Obviously, I do not talk a lot and that is exactly why I choose art writing and photography. The moment I would like to say something, something else tells me to keep quiet. If this is how it makes me more mature, great --in the end, it is all part of growing up. Also, I am not sure if I told you that I often act younger than my age, not because I pretend to; rather I feel better in my skin doing so. Good thing is people around me are not judging me, at least not that I know of. I am quite happy with this and try to make the most out of the situation. Who wouldn't? Needless to say, a fresh perspective or a child-like mindset is always helpful; it not only stimulates creativity, but also brings out the extraordinary from the ordinary. The world is never the same and remains fresh most of the time. It appears easier to spot interesting things in people I meet and places I visit. Life is more fun and fully as it is supposed to be. Nevertheless, I am not living in a fancy world, a magic dream. Parts of my life are full of "meat and potatoes”, "macaroni and cheese" sort of things and I have lived through heart-aching situations. There are moments when I am upset, hopeless, weary, unhappy... you name it, no different from what others have gone through. I came out alive in the end, by returning to who I am.
The child-like creativity is extremely untouchable and does not wait to stay. No forcing, no pushing, no rushing is the only way to keep this amazing "ungrown-up" part alive. I really do not know if this state of being is a "born -this -way" thing or a matter of choice that can be easily duplicated and controlled. It is always there and I do not make it up, nor do I try to act like it. It is very hard to tell when it appears and equally challenging to master a good way to take a delicate balancing act towards a strange mix of feelings and thoughts, which uniquely comes about depending on different encountering of people and circumstances. For so long now my idea of being creative has been buried underneath a thick blanket of socially-accepted conformation, etiquette, values, codes of conduct, and many more that somehow remotely trigger utter self-suppression. This is much like a tiny plant sprout from its seed, at risk of withering due to lack of healthy sunlight, nutrition and air. This dying, precious seed constantly calls out for a nurture boost from the inner-self. Does it sound familiar? You would probably understand what I am trying to say if you happen to be in my shoes. Right now, spelling it all out feels like hitting a stone block or a dead- end. I simply cannot explain any clearer and words seem to be superfluous. Being silent is clearly inadequate and unfair to myself and others I care about. Silence is no place to hide, nor is it my way of putting up fences for protection or withdrawal from inevitable contacts to and from the world.
A journey to becoming “wholesome” deserves a chance. And I let it happen. So be it; I look into the bull's eyes and nod my head to the need of transforming an urge of self-expression into effective ways of communication. I allow myself be absorbed in art writing and photography as they are, in my belief, safe harbors for building and docking spiritual ships of creativity. Every successful attempt of mine to stop and describe a beautiful moment is when creativity, through various valleys of ups and downs, has finally rooted in land and blossomed into a flower. People say when words fail, music speaks. For me: when words fail, pictures also speak. Each moment captured through my lens and run through my fingers will be carved inside my heart and polished through a child-like mind of wonder and later shipped out into an endless ocean of love.